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Dealing With Loss

It was 3:00 pm on this past Sunday afternoon that word finally made it to me after finishing up some marriage counseling. Those words that every person dreads to hear, ‘There has been a death in the family.’ As my wife set on the couch in my office she explained that my former step father, who was part of my life for fifteen years, passed away in a sudden car accident just a few hours earlier.
Dealing with death is such a strange thing that evokes emotions that are difficult to explain. I find it amazing how everyone has experienced the emotions that a death evokes yet we all struggle to communicate it! Over the past 24 hrs my emotions have been a whirlwind of memories, both good and bad, hurts, happiness, and even a little regret.
The word teaches us that there is a season for everything. A season for laughter and a season for crying. A season for life and a season for death. Seasons are great because they don’t last forever. They only last for a season! Living in Michigan, we have for very distinct seasons which is totally different from what I am used to down south. It really has helped me to understand seasons much more. I love summer, but by the end, I am ready for winter. I hate winter and look forward to spring but then tire of it as well. Seasons keep us moving forward. Seasons don’t last forever. Seasons have good parts and bad.
So how do I deal with loss? By recognizing it is simply a season and the hurt with end and be replaced with joy!

Rest In Peace Todd Suddath and our prayers go out to you and your family!

Evaluate & Re-Evaluate

Evaluate, Re-Evaluate, then DO IT AGAIN!!!

I’ve recently taken a two week break from blogging to do exactly what I started out with. Evaluate. I’ve spent the past few weeks re-evaluating my schedule and values which have led me on a humbling journey. Typically people view and plan schedules based on pressing needs versus their schedules being a snapshot of the values. Meaning, take a moment and look at your calendar and look where you spend most of your time. If you don’t have a calendar, get one and get one quick. Fail to plan and you plan to fail! Look over the entire calendar and look for specifics. If your calendar just shows, ‘Go to work’ and ‘Go home’, you won’t get an accurate picture.

As for me, I realized that I wasn’t taking care of myself at all and new ventures were getting close to creeping in to strong which will cause something else to leave. Something like family or work, which is NOT an option. So I began by looking at what values had gotten away from me and making a commitment to myself and to God and then creating a schedule that supports those values. There will ALWAYS be things fighting for your attention and it will ALWAYS be easier to yes than no. So it is up to you to manage your schedule before it manages you!

With that said, if you are feeling tired, overwhelmed, or stressed, you might want to check whether you are living out your values or not.

So to make it simple, give this a try:

1. List out the things, in order, as to what is and should be important to you.

(Suggestions: Spiritual, family, work, health, fun, etc)

2. Get a blank calendar and a PENCIL because you will need an eraser.

3. Start by filling in the non-negotiables like set work schedules.

4. Now following your values list, start with the #1 and schedule time for it.

5. Fill in the next values.

6. Leave blank room for stuff that comes up.

7. Stick to it unless it is a major emergency.

Good luck and God Bless!

Overwhelmed Part5

We ALL have something really special in common. We all have 24 hours in a day. Some just use their 24 hours more productively than others. I want to end this series of posts on dealing with life when it is overwhelming with some random thoughts:

1. Stop making excuses. People do what they want to do. Life INTENTIONALLY

2. Take care of yourself. You will have more energy to do more when you take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and most importantly, spiritually.

3. Pray. Take your life to God in prayer and ask for wisdom and direction. You might be surprised what He will say when you ask.

4. Stop making excuses. Did I already say that? It’s that important. There is always a reasons, justifications, and excuses. Life beyond them. Depend on God for what He has called and created you to do.

5. Take a deep breath. Enjoy life and the season you are in!

Live life and live it to the fullest.

Overwhelmed Part4

So far we have talked about our evaluating our plate and priorities, as well as the seasons of life, but for this post I want to touch on something very tangible. Take a moment and grab or pull up your personal calendar. If your response is, I don’t have one, then that is the first major problem. A calendar serves two incredible purposes.

1. He keeps things organized so you are not just taking things as they come. Those that fail to plan, plan to fail. Your schedule should have everything important on it.

2. A well kept calendar has the ability for you to look at it as a whole so you can see where you are spending most of your time and thus living out your priorities. It can be great for accountability!

I keep my calendar on my computer in a program called iCal (made by apple) which stays synced on all of my digital devices and even on my wife’s phone. We live by our calendar which has everything work related and personal on it. When I was disciplining myself to live by a calendar I would even go as far as putting my wake up time and bed time on it. It forced me to stick to my plan versus life dictating what I was going to do. There are lots of digital as well as print options out there.

Side Note – The resources are available to those who really want to grow in these areas. Hold yourself accountable and start today!

Overwhelmed Part3

My family and I are originally from Birmingham, Alabama where we have one season that has some basic temperature changes compared to what we have experienced in Michigan, where we live now, and the four distinct seasons that circulate year around. These changes of seasons have solidified a Biblical principle in my spirit that there is a season for everything. We have already discussed the need to evaluate our plate and our priorities, and in part three of this blog series on dealing with chaos and the overwhelming feelings that life brings we want to look at the value of seasons in our lives.

One of the ways that I deal with the potentially overwhelming schedule in my life is being aware of the season I am currently in and at the same time prepare for the season that is coming. For instance, I am a huge fan of playing golf, however, because of the season I am in, I have committed not to sell the clubs but to put them away while I focus on another thing, aka school. But ONLY for a season! Different seasons bring different schedules and different priorities. During the summer I commit to less things at school and work so I can take a season to focus even more on my children because during that season we are at the parks and spending as much quality time together. However, during that time I am also getting ready for the season that is fast approaching where it will be easier to focus more on studies and work as we go into the winter and no one in their right mind wants to go out side.

The interesting thing about seasons, is their is a beginning and an end. If life is chaotic year around, something has to change and soon. I’m not much of a farmer, but I do know if the farmer tills the ground year around, nothing will grow. Know your seasons past, present, and future.